Trouble with homework? There’s always a reason
If your child or student is stuck in a habit of resisting their piano homework, chances are there’s a really good reason.
It’s important to be mindful of our assumptions when we hit a stress like this. Often, when a student resists practicing, they end up taking on blame for the problem, for being either lazy, unfocused, or lacking discipline.
These are unfounded fears.
What I find is closer to the truth is that a child who is resisting their homework is actually trying to avoid pain of some kind. And usually that pain is outside of their control.
If we can reframe the issue of resisting homework as one of resisting pain, then we can start to see the issue not as being a problem in the child to be corrected, but as a roadblock to be overcome.
Today I’d like to share the three most common roadblocks I’ve encountered with students who resist their homework and how I try to help them overcome their roadblocks. I hope these suggestions help you!
Roadblock 1: They don’t like the music they’re learning
This is the most common roadblock I’ve encountered with practice-resistant children. If a child is learning a song they don’t care for, they will have no intrinsic motivation to learn it. What’s more, the very act of learning a song they don’t like is painful. It is painful to commit your mental and physical resources to learning something you don't actually want in your head. Sitting down to practice therefore becomes a painful experience, and one they’d like to avoid.
When I encounter this, I consider what track of learning this child is on right now and if it’s really the best one for them.
Usually I don’t experience this issue with early beginner students who are starting off with introductory books like the Bastien primer series or Faber Music Adventures. Usually, kids at this stage are so eager to learn piano that not liking their beginner books isn’t really a problem!
Where I find this more often to be a problem is with 1) kids who have been taking lessons for several years and are still using an introductory series, and 2) kids who are set up to take music exams (like the Royal Conservatory of Music) but don’t really want to.
In both cases, I’d be asking how important it is for them to stay on this track. Maybe there’s other music they’d like to learn instead, like music from their favourite band or movie or classical music of their own choosing.
If you are a parent who has decided your child will complete Royal Conservatory exams, you may need to expect to take on the role of enforcer of piano practice if your child is not also interested in these exams. Your child may not be able to muster their own motivation because these exams are your idea, not theirs. Remember, you’re asking them to trust you that studying for these exams is for their own good. They won’t believe you until they understand why, which is often much later in life.
Roadblock 2: They’re not seeing enough wins
If your child or student fundamentally doesn’t understand some aspect of learning their music, each time they sit at the piano will be a painful reminder of how much they don’t know. This is especially painful if they’re not sure what they’re missing, which can make the task of practice feel even more insurmountable.
This can happen for a couple of reasons.
First, a teacher can sometimes get into a track that they’re familiar with, like progressing through a book from start to finish, and not realize that although the student is technically keeping up, their true understanding of what they’re doing lapsed a little while ago. This means that when the student sits down to practice, they bring feelings of frustration and their practice time becomes a painful reminder of how much they don’t know.
Another reason this happens is due to the tradition of “top-down” (or teacher-directed) instruction in piano lessons, where the teacher does all the talking and directing, and the student doesn't get much practice thinking or talking about their own understanding. What can happen is that a student who is not accustomed to thinking about their learning for themselves won’t realize when they start to fall behind. They’ll wait for their teacher to tell them what they need to know, and will blame themselves for not understanding something because they didn’t realize they could (or weren’t safe to) ask for clarification from their teacher. This means that when the student sits down to practice, they bring feelings of shame and their practice time becomes a painful reminder of their failure to learn.
In both cases, I would prioritize building my students’ capacity to talk about their learning. A good trick for a student who is stalling is to ask them to show you the last song they really enjoyed learning. What did they like about it? When do they think things start to go wrong? This will help my student learn to identify and articulate their progress as a piano player. And their observations help me as a teacher consider if there’s a middle ground between what they enjoyed playing before and the skill they’re trying to learn now. If I can help them get that new learning, it will boost their confidence and motivation to play.
Bonus points if I can help them revisit the songs that were tricky for them in the past so they can build better memories with them :)
Roadblock 3: They’ve fallen down a rabbit hole (and they can’t get up!)
One thing I’ve become acutely aware of over my years of teaching is that the lesson I intended to deliver is not always the lesson that my students received. Sometimes, a word or phrase of our conversation will actually inspire a train of thought in my student’s head that takes them into another world, and they get inspired by some new thing or idea or question. So they’re thinking about music, but not the element I wanted them to think about.
What can happen, then, is that this train of thought my student embarked on can actually inspire them to want to investigate a new idea or song that we didn’t actually talk about. This curiosity can be so strong, in fact, that they prefer to explore that than their actual agreed-upon homework. The pain comes in when kids are not permitted to explore their new interest and must commit their mental and physical resources to a lesson they’re not interested in anymore.
Rabbit holes can become a point of tension between students and the adults in their lives for two reasons.
First, what usually happens is the adults in their life take their distraction personally. They may accuse the student of being unfocused or not taking their lessons seriously…when what’s really happening is the Holy Grail of Education: the child is thinking about what you said! Then they built new goals for themselves as a result! If this reflection and independence isn’t the whole purpose of piano lessons, I don’t know what is!
Then, the issue can get compounded if the adult resists these tangents for the sake of “building discipline.” They’re afraid their child will never get back on track or learn to stick to a track if they’re allowed to chase every interest they encounter. I’ve found these fears to be largely unfounded. Tangents are more of a creative release valve than true misdirection. There’s much less danger of a student completely falling off course than many people think. If a student trusts that the teacher has their best interest in mind (which allowing them to explore rabbit holes proves to them!), they are much more willing to “get back to business” after they’ve been allowed that creative release.
I’ve said before that I believe curiosity is an essential characteristic of a musician because it’s the trait most indicative of maintaining a lifelong love of music. So when these tangents occur, I tend to let them happen. Typically we explore the new idea together, then come back to what we were previously doing in a week or two. If the interest lasts longer than that, we have typically landed on a new true passion that’s worth incorporating into our lessons permanently!
Closing thoughts
I hope these observations and suggestions are helpful in understanding and redirecting your child or student’s homework resistance. In short, I think the name of the game is trying to identify any instances of fear, obligation, or guilt that may be encroaching on your educational expectations and asking if they really belong. So often, the child really is acting in their best interest, so let’s help them beat their roadblocks wherever they encounter them :) Good luck!