How to help your child find motivation to practice

I think most adults are familiar with the connection between having an intrinsic source of motivation and being able to stick to a task when the going gets tough. Usually, the intrinsic motivation stems from the reward we know is ahead with just a little bit of grit and determination.

But how do you teach this idea to kids? Because kids are young, most haven’t experienced the payoff that comes with hard work. So how do we encourage them to stay motivated before they even understand its value?

This is what I’d like to talk about today, in the context of mustering and maintaining the motivation to practice piano.

Reframing the problem

Notice that in what I wrote above, we’ve framed the conversation in terms of what kids don’t have – they don’t have motivation, experience, or self-discipline. Notice that as a result, we have applied a scarcity or deficit-based perspective to the kids because we’re holding them to our own standard of what we as adults do have. This is very common when talking about kids. Because kids are still learning so much in life, and more importantly because we tend to see kids as adults-in-training, it’s more common to focus on what they can’t do than what they can do.

“We can improve our relationships with our kids (and teach them, too!) by embracing their dreams rather than trying to direct them.”

But when working with kids, it’s more productive to think about what they do have. Although kids don’t have a lot of experience, something they do have in spades is dreams. Big dreams. Bigger-than-life dreams, often. We can improve our relationships with our kids (and teach them, too!) by embracing their dreams rather than trying to direct them.

And while they might not have the kind of grit that comes with long-term vision, kids do have motivation! It’s just of a very specific kind. Like most humans, they’re motivated when they stand to gain something. We just need to find what that thing is for them.

Stopping the problem before it arises

I find the most effective way to beat lack of motivation is to cut it off at the pass. I do this by connecting to my students’ dreams and motivations as early as possible.

Early on in my lessons with a new student, if not the first lesson, I try to find out as much as I can about what they want to learn or do in piano. These goals serve as my North Star for everything that comes after. I use these goals to help me choose new music, to help me develop their homework challenges, and to help me find opportunities for my students to share their music with others. 

Here are some examples. 

• If a student wants to learn to play classical music, it makes me consider: do I need to start them off with typical beginner books, or can I devise a new learning plan that gets them playing classical sooner?

• If a student is taking lessons because they admire an older family member who also plays, I'll try to learn more about what music that person played so we can aim for those same songs.

• If a student just wants to have fun at their piano, I’ll set up more duets to play together or perhaps a song from their favourite movie.

If you think your child is too young to have a conversation about their musical aspirations, I ask you to suspend your disbelief and just give it a try. I talk about this with students as young as four. Even if they don’t know what they want right away, with time I can usually find out. It’s just a matter of listening for it when it does come out.

“I believe in following your bliss and helping others follow theirs. As long as I help that child along their path, I’m promoting their best path of growth.”

Fair warning: When you ask, be prepared to hear about some big dreams! Try not to dismiss them. So your child wants to be a rock star. Who are we to say they can’t? I believe in following your bliss and helping others follow theirs. As long as I help that child along their path, I’m promoting their best path of growth. Their goal may change down the road, and they likely will, but it will be on their terms, not mine – after they’ve gotten all they needed from their present dream.

If the doldrums have already hit

If your child is already a ways into their lessons and motivation is stalling, try having that conversation with them now. Try to find out what they envisioned for their musical journey and where they think they got off course. If they’re not sure, see if you can help them think of some new dreams now, big or small. In my experience, a lot of kids secretly wish they could perform in front of others. Setting that as a real objective for their lessons can really light a spark. I’ve also known kids who secretly have a song in mind they’d like to learn that is more advanced than what they’re currently playing and seems out of their league. Again, don’t dismiss the idea! This challenge could be the thing that breaks their dry spell! 

“By all accounts, I shouldn’t have been able to learn the song, but I was in love with it…and stubborn enough to try. What’s another word for stubbornness? Motivation :)”

This happened to me, actually. When I was a teenager taking lessons, I despised practicing scales and arpeggios. I avoided them for so long I was at risk of falling behind in my Royal Conservatory exams. One day, I suddenly got it into my head that I’d like to learn how to play the 3rd movement of Moonlight Sonata which was, incidentally, mostly scales and arpeggios. By all accounts, I shouldn’t have been able to learn the song, but I was in love with it…and stubborn enough to try. What’s another word for stubbornness? Motivation :) Like magic, I got better at scales and arpeggios just by virtue of learning the song! What a miracle. 

Regardless of your child’s goals, once you know them, try to work with your piano teacher to infuse them into their lessons. A skilled teacher should be able to connect each element of your lessons (such as drills, repertoire, and theory) to your child’s musical goals. How they do that really depends on the goal and the practice, but here are some ideas:

• Some older kids (9-11 years old) feel frustrated when they have to start with beginner books. If I really think they should start with these books, I’ll explain that if we can get through these songs, they’ll know enough about reading music by the end of the book that we can move onto something more to their liking. It’s worked every time, probably because my students trust that I’m looking out for them.

• Scales don’t have to be assigned just for the sake of doing them. They can be presented as helping the student learn their way around the key signature that their piece is in.

• Practicing solid and broken chords can become more meaningful if the teacher assigns music that actually uses them! Think of Chopin’s Prelude in E Minor as an example, where the left hand is almost entirely composed of solid chords.

The key here, though, is that these really do have to be thoughtful connections, not lip service. I think it’s important that we as teachers ask ourselves if the work we’re assigning serves a real purpose, or is just out of our own habit. 

“As a result of prioritizing your child’s ambitions, they are more likely to be interested in their lessons and see results faster. … It’s the most wonderful of feedback loops.”

As a result of prioritizing your child’s ambitions, they are more likely to be interested in their lessons and see results faster. Then, after they have this experience under their belt, we can use it to remind them in the future of the grit and determination they’ve already exhibited and benefited from! It’s the most wonderful of feedback loops.

It’s also possible, though, that in the end you learn your child just isn’t interested in learning piano. It happens. They thought they’d like it but they don’t. They want a break. They signed up to please someone else but can’t sustain the interest. I don’t believe there’s any value in sticking with lessons once the spark of joy is gone. Life’s too short to be miserable. I say they should go find their next passion, and fly! The piano will be here if they decide to come back. :)

But if they do still feel a spark or have an idea of something they’d like to try or experience in piano, I say let’s go for it. Your child’s musical goals have the power to transform piano lessons from a responsibility (something they have to do) into a step toward their self-actualization (something they want to do). Pretty powerful stuff!