Compliments that will nurture your child’s musicality

Kids love attention when they’re learning and practicing piano! But sometimes it can be hard for a parent to know how to encourage their child, especially if they don’t know how to play piano themselves. You can only say “Good job!” so many times before you wish you could give them a little more.

Compliments are usually just seen as a way to make a child feel noticed and valued. This by itself is a really good thing, because having a sense of safety, security, and value is important for a child to feel confidence and ready to learn.

But there are also educational benefits to compliments. A teacher or parent can actually use praise to highlight different traits or features of the skill that the child is learning. Carefully selected compliments can direct a child’s focus to a particular action they took (whether or not they meant to!), give them a sense of pride and accomplishment, and prime them to attempt those skills again in the future!

In today’s post, I’d like to highlight a few musical traits that I make a point of noticing in my lessons. I hope they help you listen and provide feedback to your child with more intention. Enjoy!

Accuracy

Too often the question of whether or not a child can play all the notes correctly is taken as the proof of their musical ability. It’s probably for this reason that the most common concern I hear from parents who don’t play music themselves is that they can’t tell if their child is playing the song correctly.

I’m going to take a big weight off your shoulders and ask that, if you’re working with me, you allow me to bear the responsibility of whether or not you child is playing the song accurately. Instead, I’m going to ask you to compliment your child if you simply notice them trying to play the song accurately.

It’s really important to encourage a child not only when they’ve reached a goal, but all along the way as well. So if you notice them correcting a mistake, slowing down so they can carefully match the notes on the page to their fingers on the keys, or hammering notes all around their hand position until they hear the one that’s right, they are all opportunities to praise your child on the accuracy of their playing:

“I noticed that you played/tried hard to play all the notes correctly! You’re getting really good at reading music!”

Steadiness

Rhythm is an aspect of musicality that can be hard to teach. What makes it so hard is that rhythm is not just a concept; it’s a feeling. There’s a crossover that needs to happen between kids learning to connect the counting we’ve written on the page with an internal sense of the beat. (If your child bounces along with their song while they play, they’re demonstrating they have that internal sense of the beat!)

Learning how to maintain a steady rhythm is one of the first signs of emerging musicianship. It’s a marker that demonstrates they’re no longer just transferring notes they see on a page to the piano; they’re playing music.

If you notice your child exhibiting signs of rhythm — counting, bouncing, or nodding their head while they play — you can highlight this as a skill they didn’t have before!

“I noticed that you were able to keep a steady beat throughout that song! You’re really developing a good sense of rhythm!”

Expression

Expression at the piano can be implemented by ranging in volume (loud vs. soft), pace (fast vs. slow), or style of playing (smoothly vs. sharply separated). If you notice your child trying any of these out, they’re building their expressive skills. You can support that by highlighting exactly what you noticed them doing: “I noticed you played both loudly and softy during that song; it was really expressive!”

For extra impact, you can also share with your child how that expression made you feel. Music is a form of communication, and all the expressive tools I just mentioned are intended to make the audience feel a certain way. Loud sounds may express big feelings like joy or anger. Smooth phrases often express peace and tranquility. Fast or slow rhythms communicate by resembling the heartbeat — fast beats are exciting, while slow beats are calm and subdued. Notice how your child is playing their song, and then think about what the composition might be meant to communicate: “When you play the notes smooth and quiet like that, it feels so calm!”

Enthusiasm

I’m including this one because it’s the heart of piano and so important to me! I’m not sure I’ve ever seen “enthusiasm” listed on a Royal Conservatory exam scoring sheet, but to me it’s the heart of music and one of the treasures of working with young learners! Too often it’s coached out of kids in favour of steadier, quieter playing.

So even if your child messed up all their notes, even if they only have one volume setting (such as “exuberant”!), even if they skipped or repeated a line because they were wrapped up in what they were doing, please compliment them on their enthusiasm! Again, you can leave the accuracy of playing to me :) It’s more important to the longevity of their passion for music that they be encouraged to express the joy it gives them, whatever form that takes.

“It’s really wonderful to see how much enthusiasm you have for that song! It makes the song really nice to hear.”

Resilience

Another feature of learning to play piano that can be difficult to teach is the characteristic of resilience, or the willingness to try again after you’ve made a mistake. Learning to accept mistakes and move on from them can be difficult for everyone, but can be especially difficult for kids who may not have enough life experience to understand that there can be a payoff to hard work. Sometimes, to them, it just all feels like hard work.

This is why I think it’s so important to highlight and celebrate every instance of effort I notice. It may feel at times like you’re complimenting all the time, but kids need it. In a sense, they’re working at their piano lessons harder than an adult would because for them, there’s no clear win in sight!

So if you notice your child is struggling with a phrase or page of music, please compliment them on the effort you see them committing.

“I noticed you worked really hard on that section. I’m really proud of you for giving it another shot!”

Curiosity

Here’s another trait you won’t see on the Royal Conservatory of Music exam scoring sheet, but is essential to a lifelong love of music! Curiosity is when your child feels a strong desire to know, learn, or try something — and nine times out of ten, what they’re curious about won’t be what was assigned to them as homework that week!

Curiosity is essential to musicianship because it’s the drive that keeps us exploring new music, techniques, and opportunities. Without it, a feeling sets in that music has nothing new to give us.

All too often, curiosity is “redirected” back to the task in hand, but this can deflate the child’s interest in learning music. What’s the point of taking lessons if they can’t play what they want? If you notice your child trying something new at the piano, rather than worrying about their lack of focus, you can praise them for their inquisitive mind. Don’t worry if your child gets sidetracked from their homework to explore. Curiosity is so essential that without it, their lessons would probably stop soon anyways!

“I noticed you tried that song a different way! What a neat idea!”

Last thoughts

I hope this list was helpful in giving you ideas for things you can look out for while your child practices piano. Although I’ve provided a list of my own favourite compliments here, the best compliments are the ones that come from the heart! Don’t be afraid to praise your child however you feel drawn to.

Have fun with your piano this week!