What energy do you bring to piano lessons?

Today’s post is for people who are supporting other people in learning piano, rather than learning piano themselves (so parents, teachers, etc.). The question I have for you today is, what kind of energy are you bringing to piano lessons?

Talking about “energy” doesn’t have to be spiritual woo-woo. I think we can talk about energy in an objective way if we think about it as the way that your unique combination of interests, values, goals, and expectations merge to create the attitude you bring to each new endeavour.

Maintaining mindfulness of your energy is a constant area of growth, and it’s something that I think us mentors should be reflective of throughout our students’ piano journeys. One of the biggest reasons educational programs go off the rails is because an authority figure’s energy has shifted or because a hidden energy has been revealed. The goalposts have changed, and learners (who are often kids and carry less power in these situations) respond with anger, frustration, and resentment.

Here’s an example of what I mean.

It’s really common for parents to tell me that their goal for registering their child for piano lessons is that they “just” want their child to “enjoy” piano. That’s a beautiful goal that I can get behind! Yet, after a few months of lessons, this goals often stops being enough when the parent realized that their budding musician is actually a bit of a sloppy player. Then, it’s no longer enough that their child enjoy piano, but they have to learn to become polished players as well. As you might imagine, the encouragement the child starts to hear at home soon shifts to focus on the quality of their playing, rather than the quality of their enjoyment, as the parent has started making new demands on their child. What’s happened is that the actual, subconscious goal (that their child play well) rises to the surface, and with that, a shift in the energy the parent brings to the child’s practice. The parent isn’t happy to listen to their child simply play for fun anymore, and the child learns that their playing doesn’t please their parent anymore. The child (who holds less understanding of the situation) can respond with frustration and anger, and this is where seeds of perfectionism can take root.

Changing goalposts happen with teachers, too! In this era where collaboration is considered a hallmark of quality education, you’ll often hear a teacher say that they want their students to feel like a partner in their learning or a friend in their classroom. But when the child starts to act up or doesn’t do what they’re told, the teacher often pulls out their “authority hat” to regain control of the situation. Then it becomes clear that this is no true friendship, but that the teacher is just another authority figure who will get their way under threat of punishment. What’s happened is that the teacher’s real goal — to be respected and listened to — comes out, and with that, a shift in the energy they bring to the child’s lesson. With a changing goalpost like this, is it any wonder that kids often come to resent their lessons—and their teacher??

All learners, not just kids, are highly adept at figuring out their authority figure’s true energy, regardless of what they might say it is. I think one reason why our students are so good at figuring us out is because they’re the more vulnerable partner in the power differential between teacher and student, and they need to be aware of their authority figure’s intention in order to protect themselves.

I bring all this up to ask ourselves to be mindful of our competing energies and of the times where the things we say we value are not necessarily the same things our micro-actions show we value. This is an invitation to reflect on what you actually believe the goal of your piano lessons are (compared to what you want to believe), because your true values and goals are going to converge into your general energy towards piano lessons, and your learners will respond to it!